In your stride

All my life I was labelled as a 'bright' person. I always got the top marks in exams and I did really well at school. I got told I was clever and I'd do well in my life. Yet when it comes down to real life, it's not the marks you get on your paper that determine whether you will do well. Trust me. Nothing academical will help you when you have to face reality, you need to be worldly wise.

When I started secondary school, I was labelled as the intelligent, pretty one. I know I'm quite intelligent but to be labelled as 'pretty' in your adolescences years is actually hell. At puberty you hate yourself. I could hardly stand to look in the mirror, and people were calling me beautiful?! I had such low self esteem which got so bad I started bad habits such as smoking and drinking. I never was really popular because I think girls were threatened by me, even though I couldn't stand up for myself. I used to hang around mainly on my own or with other lads because I suppose once they got past that initial period of 'I fancy you' they became great friends.

When I left secondary school I got pretty good GCSE and I went straight to college where I am now. I was so unbelievably nervous I was shaking as I got dropped off. Now I look back at that day and perhaps all my school life and I smile. Even though it was such a bad time without it, I wouldn't be the person I am now. Childhood and Adolescences is there to shape us into the people we will be in the future. So take it in your stride. The ride may be rough but in the end it's all worth it.

xoxo

You

Five followers in three days :O

I'm actually shocked, I didn't expect to get so much recognition in such a short amount of time and you can't possibly understand how much this has made me happy. I feel euphoric.

Onto totally different matters however, another thing I've learnt is you need to feel solid inside yourself before you should lean on another person. And not only should you be happy by yourself but before you put all your hope into one person, you should make sure they return the same feelings. To invest your emotions into one person is such an incredible step, that for it to be slammed back into your face, even the tiniest bit, is absolute devastation. Be rational, sometimes following your heart is not always the right thing. Your 'love' can be mistaken for lust and desire which are violent emotions in the vast universe of the stupid thing called 'love'. Love? It's make believe, you don't love someone, you care for them. Care, care is what you feel for these people. Love is the made up myth created by people to describe an amount of emotions which don't have names. The unnamed.

I know this all seems like ranting and lecturing but it's not. I'm passing on my words of 'wisdom' in the hope that it won't be wasted.

Signs

Today, I nearly killed myself. I lay in the bath thinking that this was it and I couldn't handle living any more. I put my head under the water and held my breath, then suddenly the cold tap dripped onto my foot a lot making me plunge my head from under the water.

I sat there gasping and gripping onto the side of the bath and I realised something. If the cold tap hadn't just dripped on me then I'd possibly be unconscious or even dead. It had saved my life, actually saved it.

I felt inspired and I needed to do something to remember this feeling, so consequently I've made this blog. It's the beginning of improving my quality of life. I'm fed up of feeling like crap and I need somewhere to vent my anger or upset.

I'm not one of these people that will tell you what I've wore today, I'm not some teenage girl that will feed you crap about how my life is dire and I'm depressed. No I'm a real woman with real problems.

Why have I named my blog this? Because the first thing I did this morning was have a cup of tea and then smile. I felt better and feeling better is the beginning.

x